Dearest Adam
Whenever I get into the thick of things in terms of my work, it is inevitable that I become self-critical and discover (or realise, not for the first time) my inadequacies and imperfections.
I just want you to know that sooner or later you will find out that I am flawed. I may be the one you look to to guide you and teach you the rights and wrongs; and what to do and what not to do. But there will come a time that you will learn to judge for yourself that I don't know it all and I don't have it right all the time.
Here are some things that I know I don't do right. In this instance, these are three things that are evident in my current work context, and they are contributing to the stress I am facing here while I am away from home.
- Don't take things too personally.
Develop a thick skin for the times you need it. I get upset too easily, too quickly. I take things personally. In my work, and really, in any circumstance in life, there are often times when people disagree, criticisms are thrown around, and the overall feeling of having 'failed' others prevails. I have the bad habit of letting these get to me to the point it cripples me and makes me generally unhappy.
I wish I have a thicker skin. Of course it is important to care about reputation and to have empathy and understanding of the world and the people around you; but the result should be productive, not crippling. If you can, please deal with this better than I do. Be more constructive with the feedback you get from everything and everyone around you. It is so much nicer to be happy anyway.
- Don't be lazy.
Be efficient. The truth is, a lot of times I try to fake it. Sometimes people buy it, sometimes they don't. In reality, I am lazy. Which brings me to this point in my life where I am questioning myself, 'why am I still doing this'. I could just stop. Being lazy at work brings a whole lot of problems. It really does. So buck up and step up. Things can get done faster and better, and you can save yourself a whole lot of problems later down the line. I've been taught this lesson over and over again yet I have not learned. Let me tell you something about lessons. Until you learn them, you will have to keep receiving the lessons.
- Don't be afraid to signal S.O.S.
When the going gets tough, or when you feel like you are in way over your head; ask for help. I am bad at that. It's part pride and part ignorance. It is not wrong to admit "I don't know how to do this" or "I can't cope" or "I need help". More often than not, people, especially those you work with, will appreciate it. Candor is good. I keep finding myself overwhelmed and by the time I feel the need to admit that I need help, it is usually a bit too late. So if ever you feel out of your depth, reach out to someone. Your Ayah and I will try to be here for you, though sometimes (or perhaps most times) it is not us that you want to reach out to. That's okay too. Just get help when you think you need it. I don't want you to ever feel that you are alone. It's what I am feeling right now, and it is a horrible feeling.
Almost half way through this work trip. This time next week, I'll be on my way home to you and your Ayah.
I miss you both terribly.
Mummy xxx
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